Ups and downs

It’s interesting to see how much I rely on hearing from my boyfriend to feel okay. The last email I got two days ago was just a one word response with hearts and nothing since then.

I know he has things to do. I know their schedules can be brutal and I know that their computers may be unavailable when he has a moment. It’s unfair of me to demand the impossible and I know he misses me a lot too.

That doesn’t change the fact I’m in tears and woke up with an enormous chunk of lead in my stomach. Every now and then my mind teeters on the edge: is he okay? Did something happen? Was that the last memory you will have of him? It’s so easy to give in and freak out. But that doesn’t help me or him in any way.

It’s only been a week and a half. How am I going to do this for at least seven months…?

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