Heartache

This post is likely going to drown in the massive amounts of posts about Robin William’s death. There will be many who have more insightful and touching things to say about it, but I need to get this off my chest either way.

I’ve felt shock and sorrow at some celebrities deaths before, but I’ll be honest and say that if most celebrities were to die today, I wouldn’t think more than ten seconds about it. I have no connection or any special thoughts about most of them, whether it’s because I don’t care for their work or they just never left an impression. When I heard of Robin Williams’ death tonight, I struggled to keep my tears from flowing and failed miserably ten minutes later. My gut instinct was to deny this news. It’s a hoax, for sure. Just some satirical website that took things too far. Then more sources kept popping up to verify these claims and I had to face reality: we lost something great today.

It would hurt less if he’d been hit by a car or suffered some other unfortunate accident. At the time of writing, it remains unconfirmed whether his death was a suicide or not, but all signs point towards it. I will assume this to be true until reports indicate otherwise. It hurts to think that a man who brought so much laughter, life and joy into our lives was so miserable that he couldn’t continue living any longer. That this was his last resort. He was so immensely loved by so many that he made complete strangers bawl their eyes out over his passing. But even all this love was not enough. Depression is an awful disease, one I’m too familiar with, and perhaps that’s why it hits home so hard.

“Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”

I really like this quote. I wish it would have helped him as it has helped me. He was a man who had everything – a loving wife, loving children, a successful career, all the money he could have wanted and all the means necessary to aid him in overcoming his problems. And yet it shows that the illness can run so deep that even the happiest person who has it all sees nothing worth living for.

I will miss him a lot. My future included many more movies, animations and stand ups featuring this man to brighten my days and help me get through whatever I may struggle with. I feel part of me was stolen from me. I can’t even imagine what his family and close friends must be going through right now.

I hope he found the peace he wanted and that his family will be able to move on and live full, happy lives.

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