Silence please

That’s all I ask for. My mind won’t stop spinning. I’ve slept two hours since I woke up at 8 am on Wednesday morning. It’s Thursday morning 1:30 am and no amount of meditation, distraction or exercising is helping to put my mind at rest and let me sleep.

My life feels like a tunnel without an exit. No light. No emergency doors. Just darkness and struggle and futile attempts to make it through.

I keep crying because I keep thinking I want to die. I can’t do that to my boyfriend and ny friends and family. But right now it feels like that is the only thing that will give me peace, and rest, and silence.

I want my mind to shut up.

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