You win some, you lose some.

Yesterday was sibling day. My sister picked me up and we spent the late morning and early afternoon chilling on her couch, playing Guitar Hero and I knitted some too. It was nice, we caught up on a bunch of things and when her girlfriend came home from work, we went to the drugstore just across the border in Germany.

One of the girls wanted to check out a clothing store for some carnaval related things. I checked out the plus size collection for some new jeans to see if they carried my size (being a tall plus size sucks!). My sister then mentioned she still owed me my Christmas money – if there were jeans on sale for €20, she’d buy them for me.

So in I went and found a nice pair that not only fits my waist, but also is long enough to reach my heels! Unfortunately I had to buy them one size too big – 52″ when I needed a 50″. I have 51″ hips and a 43″ waist and they only had a side 48 and 52, no 50. Boo! I ordered a belt online (what store sells jeans for a size 50 but doesn’t carry belts to go with that?) to make sure these pants won’t keep falling off my hips now. It’s good to finally have a pair that isn’t all worn down and faded immensely though.

Then I picked out a new shirt to buy myself to complete the outfit!

Looks good, doesn’t it? 🙂 I had a lot to say about my self-esteem and shopping issues, but I’m tiring myself with that crap so I’ll spare you from it. That does bring me to some less happy news though.

20150203_102836[1]It’s my glucose level for this morning “before meal”. Basically nothing has changed since I started taking the metformin and gliclazide. I’ve been on medication for two months and even on a low dose I should be seeing some minor improvement if my body takes to it.

This Friday morning I get an official fingerprick test at the doctor’s office. If their equipment gives a similar reading I’m not sure what I’ll do. My doctor may bump me up to taking both medications three times a day to their max dosage but I’m starting to feel it’s a futile attempt. I’m terrified my pancreas is just shot.

I thought I was okay with becoming insulin dependent but damnit, it’s tough to accept. I’m having a hard time finding support to deal with this too. Even on Facebook it’s difficult to find a suitable group to join, and I’m not that interested in joining forums and talking to absolute strangers. I have an aching need to have someone I already know to help me through this, but I don’t know of anyone who has type 1 diabetes whom I talk to regularly.

This sucks. I’m working myself up to tears, I don’t really know what else to do. Trying to ignore it isn’t making it go away.

I’m going to take a shower, clean the litterbox and sweep the floor. By the afternoon I’m going to a fabric store to get some lining for my knitted purse and I’ll probably drop by a clothing store in the area to check out a couple of things too. Anything better than dwelling on this crap.

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