Don’t forget to breathe

It’s really important to keep doing that! My week has been crazy, and today was a nerve wrecking day like woah. The important thing to know is that things are finally moving again, and it’s going steady with the promise that I won’t be left hanging.

Wednesday I talked to my therapist about a number of things. Primarily about getting a proper schedule back on track for my days and finding ways to incorporate some resting moments during the day. I set up a private blog with password protected entries that she can login to, in which I track my days, what I eat and what my bloodsugar levels are. When I’m really tired or didn’t sleep well, I’ll be trying to rest up shortly after noon instead of later in the afternoon, even if that means I won’t be fully asleep. This will allow me to go to bed at a reasonable time.

This morning I went to group therapy and my counselor took some ‘alone time’ with me to sort through my opened and unopened mail. My financial situation is still shit, but she’s helping me out wonderfully to get a financial administrator setup for me. This person will receive my mail, receive my disability income, pay my bills on my behalf, take care of any forms and other shit that needs to be done and then pay the rest out to me for my groceries and everything else I need. This would be a MASSIVE burden off my shoulders so getting the application out is crucial. Either way, on a scale of 0 to 100, with 0 being super chill, I was a 90 in terms of anxiety. Opening mail is terrifying. So many angry letters making demands I can’t possibly hope to pay. But she was calm and collected and we made it through. I sorted it by date and we put it into a folder. I still have two pieces left to collect.

My counselor did mention I was very quiet and withdrawn, very different from usual. It amazes me how perceptive she is of people. (Although… it is her job I suppose.) When another girl arrived at group, we were done and I sat down with her in the kitchen to talk about whatever. I felt better afterwards, but it took almost the entire day for my anxiety to go down.

Once I got home around 1:30pm, I got a call from the doctor’s assistant. I had my diabetes checkup earlier this week, got an ECG done (all okay), had to give a urine sample (all okay), and had to have blood drawn for my A1C (all okay) and my cholesterol (not okay!). She told me that the doctor is worried about the rise in my cholesterol, and this worries me too. It’s never been high to worrying heights, mainly just ‘a touch too high on the bad kind, and a touch too low on the good one, but nothing to fret over’. My diet has been altered drastically, I eat way more vegetables, fruits and fibers. Fat is limited to dinners only in terms of cooking oils, and hasn’t changed at all. Logic would assume that my cholesterol has gone down (especially as my oatmeal consumption has blown up, I use it in EVERYTHING). My bloodsugar is under control during the day and on my A1C, which means my diet is working. So why does my cholesterol keep climbing?

I have a suspicion it’s the meds I take to get my sugar under control, which is frustrating. Unfortunately it’s also typical for diabetics. Ugh. I got a prescription for 15 Simvastatine Accord pills to see if I can tolerate them with refills (and if not I can switch to a different kind) and I got another blood test scheduled in six weeks. Let’s hope they work and all my values will be normal by then. ALL of them.

I’m totally exhausted now, so I’m heading off to an early night’s sleep.


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