It’s okay not to be okay.

I was a little late this morning, but I made it to my blood test appointment. I feel like a broken record every time I go in. This must be my 4th time this year alone, maybe my 5th, and I always get asked the same thing from the same people when I tell them I’m just going to go ahead and lay down already.

“Does it hit you that bad?”

“If I’m sitting up and you take my blood, you can pick me up from the floor, or at least help me move over to this table anyway. Happens every time.”

“Really? Wow! That’s awful, I’m sorry.”

By now I don’t even have to think about this, I can’t sit up while having my blood drawn. I have no fear of needles (I’ll take 3 shots in the same arm, standing up, not giving a shit) and I don’t freak out at the sight of blood  as I test my blood sugar from my fingertips regularly. It’s just something my body does when I lose so much blood in seconds. My body starts to shut down, and it’s visible because my bloodflow begins to stutter into the vial and I get dizzy, then pass out if I don’t catch it in time.

That’s okay though. I know this before I go in. The nurses never mind that I just lay down. They’d rather I do that instead of forcing to sit down in the chair, pass out, and they have a 260lbs 6’1″ woman to haul up off the floor.

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