When do you fight it?

I’ve found that letting things happen rather than putting up an always futile struggle works well for me. I’m not saying to just give up and not try to get better; rather, figure out when to invest your energy into your mental illnesses. It can be so utterly discouraging and draining to fight against yourself and push yourself out of your comfort zone when, realistically, you don’t have the energy for it. Breaking it down into small steps and working with what you’ve got is the better approach, and eventually you’ll recuperate and get back on your feet.

The past 1-2 weeks have been degrading fast for me. Insomnia strikes again, my appetite is dissipating with every passing day, I’m tense and wake up bathed in sweat or in the middle of a panic attack. I’m starting to avoid things too, and it’s not good. But part of me is oddly calm about it; I know this will pass, because it has before. I know I’ve been shouldering too much and the stress and uncertainty of my near future is weighing me down. Thing is, there’s not a whole lot I can actively do about it right now, so I try to remind myself of this fact and focus on other things.

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Like knitting! My dad’s socks are coming along well. This picture is from yesterday at group, and I still had about 3 inches to go before I got to the heel, I think. I just finished the heel on the first sock, and am working the second now. I can start the leg tonight, hopefully finishing it by Monday. That makes turnaround for a full pair of (wide) socks a week. My dad’s feet aren’t particularly long, but they’re quite wide, which means I need a 76 stitch combo on my usual gauge. For comparison, my own socks needed only 70 sts. And that’s all with negative ease worked into the pattern. Yeesh! However, I worked his the first on purpose; my mom’s and sister’s feet are smaller so they should go faster. 😉

I let my boyfriend’s sweater soak for an hour last night in cold water in my handwash bucket. What started as clear water quickly became a murky ordeal that needed 2 extra rinses to clear out! I don’t know if it’s part dye or if the sweater just collected a lot of grime off my hands and the surfaces it laid on, but this is the very reason I wash everything before I send it off.

The yarn’s label says it should be machine washable at 30C, but I don’t trust it. I was getting a lot of extra fuzz off the yarn as it ran through my fingers and it seems to want to felt easily, so handwash it is. I used a woolwash after the soak and rinse (followed by more thorough rinsing), and now the sweater is almost dry on my table. I think it helped that I let a fan blow on it all night!

I do seem to have some trouble trying to squeeze enough water out before rolling it up in (a lot) of towels. I don’t want to wring it but I don’t think I have enough strength in my hands to squeeze it properly. Or maybe I’m just too impatient. How do you do it?

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3 thoughts on “When do you fight it?

  1. I totally understand your approach, and that there’s a clear difference between that and giving up. When I notice certain signs (not blogging for a while, not interested in knitting, feeling a certain way) I try to focus on picking one thing to try to do. I try to pick something that is attainable, will help me feel a little better, and doesn’t add stress or pressure. It’s usually blogging.

    In any case, I hope you are finding something to help you through. You’re right–some stuff you just can’t control. But, you can definitely weather it!

    Looks like dye to me. I press things against the side of the basin to drain some of the extra water, then just use a million towels.

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