I’m 28 years old and can’t run a one person household. 

It feels like shit. I’ve cried a lot these past two days, and nothing seems to make this feeling go away.

I have been an adult for a decade. I have lived on my own for more than half that decade. Independence is something I’ve grown very fond and proud of, and I want life to stay that way. But what can you do when your own body fights you all the time? What can you do when you move to pick up that laundry basket, and one snap in your lower back sentences you to months of pain and disability even though you’ve been working so hard? What is left when your insurance doesn’t cover the procedure you want, and it will be 3.5 years until you’re finally out of debt to switch to a company that does cover it?

I vacuumed my apartment last night. It was excruciating, but it had to be done. I hadn’t vacuumed in over 3 weeks. I couldn’t walk barefoot anymore, it had to happen whether I liked it or not. I fought my vacuum through gritted teeth every time my leg gave out. I worked myself through a process to bend down and pick something up (or put something down) more than once.

When the time came to clean the cats’ food tray (I keep their bowls on my freezer’s ice cube tray to avoid a mess on the floor), the tray was crawling with maggots because I hadn’t been able to pick it up for days. The undersides of their ceramic bowls had grown moldy to hell and back. I cried a lot more. I felt like a horrible, neglectful cat parent. I scrubbed the tray with bleach, I let the bowls soak in bleach water overnight and I will have to be way more careful with their wet food from now on, especially during the hot days.

I have so much left to do in my household chores wise that I’m not sure I can do. It hurts so much all the time. I can’t ask anyone for help because they either live too far away or are struggling with their own health. I can only hope that the problem gets better with time, the pain will fade to only mild discomfort and will stay away for many months. This will happen again though, I try not to think about how soon that might be.


9 thoughts on “I’m 28 years old and can’t run a one person household. 

  1. So sorry to hear that you’re struggling with pain. 😦 It sucks that decisions on procedures that could make life much better lie in the hands of insurance companies. Hang in there and forgive yourself a little bit. I hope the pain starts fading a bit and you start feeling a bit better. Take care.

    • Thank you. It’s really hard to think straight when pain rules, and it’s hard seeing other people of your age being able to do all the things you can’t. That gets to you sometimes. On most days I manage pretty well and am understanding of my own limitations, but there are days when it just isn’t working.

      Thank you so much for reaching out. ❤

  2. Hopefully life will improve for you soon. Is there no one close to you who could come round to offer help? Please don’t ever be afraid to ask friends for help…if they are a true friend they will be more than willing to help you out.

    • Thank you for the comment Paul. 🙂

      Unfortunately my social circle in real life is limited to my immediate family and people who struggle as much with disabilities and problems as I do. Many of them are willing, most of them are not capable.

      I’ve spoken to my counselor about this today, and if my condition doesn’t improve I can contact the city about support to help clean my house when I can’t. So that’s an option that I might be able to utilize.

      If I wasn’t on disability and just barely managing with a fixed income I would definitely look into hiring help myself, but that’s not an option either.

      • Well the good thing is you’re not suffering silently and are exploring avenues to try and get some help. Fingers crossed it won’t be too long until you get the help you need.

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