Grateful #1

For the past 6 days I’ve been doing a “Daily Breast Challenge” with my art. The reasoning is simple: the majority of women think something’s wrong with their breasts – their size, their shape, their weight, their perkiness etc. – while they are all perfectly normal in every single way. I’ve been fighting with my own bosom’s security for some time. Despite positive responses, I always felt like mine were off and weird. Then I found a site featuring pictures of regular women’s breasts in a non-sexual way, and I was awed and humbled by the experience. As an artist, I’ve been guilty of always drawing the same kind of boobs that lean towards the media standard of ‘perfection’. So I challenged myself to draw one pair of normal boobs every day until I run out of boobs to draw from this site.

These are fairly quick. The images I work off of are very small so sometimes I improvise a little, but I am updating my Dropbox folder every day. Feel free to check in, each image is dated as dd/m/yyyy and displayed from oldest to newest in that order. I’m only 6 days in and already I’ve learned so very much. Subtle differences among women who are alike, but never the same. The way larger breasts differ even when they’re similar in size. The artist in me is rejoicing at all the knowledge I’m gaining and the woman in me is loving herself a little more every day. This is the best art challenge I’ve undertaken in a long time.

In keeping with this spirit, I’m also going to do a ‘grateful challenge’ for the next 7 days. I’ve been feeling down, stressed and tired so much, I’m losing perspective on what’s good in my life. Perhaps listing 3 things I’m grateful for every day for a week will lift my spirits a little.

  1. I’m grateful for having my boyfriend in my life. No matter how far apart we are while he’s deployed, it still feels like we’re close together through his efforts to stay in touch with me. He listens to me and encourages me while being immensely supportive – just what I need to stay strong and have courage.
  2. I’m grateful for the Yogscast. They’re a group of YouTubes with an excellent sense of humor and massive amounts of videos on Minecraft and other games. Their videos run almost non-stop on my computer these days, making me laugh and keeping me company while I knit, draw, bake, browse and talk to people.
  3. I’m grateful for my friend Sam, who has proven to be an invaluable addition in my life. No matter how much my situation appears to suck, Sam will always find an upside to my day. Whether it’s a “At least you didn’t die in a fire” or “Cheer up, go cuddle your cats and play Pokemon with me”. His sense of humor
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My little knitter

The surprise my boyfriend had last Saturday was an early return from underway. HURRAH! Apparently the ship broke down and they had to return to port. I’m secretly very thrilled and happy we had the weekend together. He has a normal working schedule until the 20th, and then it’s holiday standdown until after the new year.

I think we’re drinking again tonight, or this weekend? He made a mention of the amount of booze he has left from our last booze weekend. I probably sound like a big time alcoholic. I only drink socially though, and to be honest only with my boyfriend because we’re comfortable with each other. I prefer not to get smashed in a bar among a bunch of strangers, thank you kindly.

The sock is coming along nicely too. Dette (my lady kitty) dropped by to check it out and posed for a picture.

It’s my first time knitting this pattern and stitch and I have a feeling the sock will be too tight for mine and my boyfriend’s ginormous feet. We’ll have to see when it’s done though, it’s still hard to tell. Snug fits aren’t bad, but they shouldn’t be uncomfortably snug either. Thankfully I can still save most of the yarn if it turns out to be crap. I’ll let you all know how it turns out!

A pro-active day

After my break down from last night, I slept a little bit. Not much, but enough to supply me with energy for today.

That starts my post off with good news, okay news, and not so okay news.

The good news is that I woke up to an email from my boyfriend (finally!) who appears to have come down with a condition called ‘watch’. This condition inflicts excessive amounts of boredom and snoozing, which is why he wasn’t able to get back to me sooner. He mentioned he has a surprise for me and that I’d know about nine hours from when he emailed me, but it’s been almost 11 hours since then and I haven’t heard anything yet. I’m not going to freak out just yet, but I’m dying of curiosity here! His surprises are always really good.

The okay news is that I got to spend the entire day with my family. After waking up and taking care of myself, I visited my parents and knitted. A lot. I’m working on a new sock pattern that I found which enables me to knit my sock in one go on the loom, and after I finally figured out the concept it’s been pretty easy. Pictured in this post is a partial sock, with heel, and the family dog snoozing in the background. After my mom had to get ready for work, I left to see my sister. We went grocery shopping and had dinner at her place. I got two bars of soap from her when I went home, and they both smell really nice!

The not so okay news is that I’m now home, and looking at the utter mess my apartment is. I’m tired from being around people all day, my cats are going batshit crazy running around like morons. I really need to start cleaning because my apartment just isn’t in any okay condition anymore, but whenever I make plans to get going with it I just crash. It sucks. I want to ask my friend for help, but I’m not sure I can tolerate hearing an exasperated sigh and that typical ‘holy fuck’ expression people give.

My plan for the rest of the evening is to have some lemonade, maybe eat some rice pudding and watch Yogscast while knitting, probably until I hear back from my boyfriend.

Hoot-hoot!

This is one of the pictures I sent to my boyfriend today. It’s laundry day, which means I get to do nothing at all but shove my laundry in, wait, put it in the dryer, wait, rinse and repeat. So it’s onesie time!

Bought for me by my friend and his then girlfriend, they sent this from the US to me. It’s an XXL, but it still isn’t tall enough for that perfect fit. It fits, just barely, length wise. That’s how tall I am.

It’s also day 3 of my ‘separation’ with my boyfriend and I’m just somewhat hanging in there.

No, we didn’t break up. His ship is currently underway and that means our first break of near continuous contact since mid-August. Rather than talk every day for hours on end (with the exception of duty days) I now spam his work email with rambles and pictures to help me cope. It’s been 2 days since I heard from him.

But why date someone in the military if you can’t cope with this? I’m coping, slowly. I honestly didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I told him I liked him, but now I feel he’s more than worth it waiting for. I’m taking these underways (I know this isn’t technically a real word…) as tests so that I can adjust to when he finally gets deployed coming summer.

It’s only 7 more days, which means I already survived 3! And his next underways are supposedly only 3-5 days instead, so that’s good, right?

Honestly, I’m a lot more optimistic than I ever thought I could be. I’m secretly a little proud of myself.

Please revel in the joy that is owl onesie!