Being broke is staring into your freezer and realizing that you only have enough food to last you until Friday. Maaaaybe Saturday. Then for Sunday you’re probably going to be drinking some broth made from a broth cube, or a bowl of oatmeal – hopefully with milk, otherwise with water. The move has taken a big chunk out of my weekly food allowance. (Remember, someone else is in legal charge of my finances, and I get an allowance every week to buy my groceries with. This administrator pays all my bills and deals with all the financial paperwork for me.) I keep running into small things that need acquiring or replacing, like light bulbs, hygiene products, detergents and so forth. Here and there I can’t find some things in the moving boxes and have to repurchase those too. Things that aren’t all that costly, but that can easily take a 1/4th bite out of my budget because it’s not that big. And then I still have to buy everything else with that.
I’m still eating every day, but the worry of feeling like I’ll have days where I won’t have a decent, balanced meal is driving my anxiety up, and I start to binge on the foods I do have. It’s like there’s a voice in the back of my mind that keeps whispering “EAT EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHO KNOWS WHEN YOU’LL EAT NEXT?!” which is absurd. I’m not that poorly off, I have food, I can even binge (poor wallet), but the possibility is still there and that’s enough to set me off.
That’s making me feel physically very crappy. It means my bloodsugar is through the roof on plenty of days, and I’m having my period on top of it all so I’m perpetually tired as it is. Not a good combination. In an effort to cheer myself up and steer myself in the proper direction again, I unpacked my makeup supplies. I’m going to have to sort through a lot of it in the next couple of days and wash out all my brushes because I haven’t done that in a while, and there are lots of items that are no longer sanitary for use.
Plus almost all of my mascaras (3 tubes?) dried out because it’s been so long since I last wore makeup regularly. Damnit.
That’s what prompted a visit to the dollar store at the beginning of last week. Dollar store makeup gets a pretty bad rep, because it’s cheap and doesn’t wear long on most people. I guess it depends on how you apply it and how you go through your day. I bought a new mascara, new lipstick and ended up trying out a gel eyeliner (including brush) for the first time. It didn’t even cost me 3 euros all together (2.80 I think?). Throw in a pack of 25 makeup wipes for 65 cents and I’m set for a while.
I’ll be honest: this makeup is as good as any other drugstore brand of makeup and costs much less. It even doesn’t irritate my eyes as much. The lipstick combo with lip liner lasted all day long with some of my leftover setting powder applied on top, and the gel liner has made tight-lining a breeze (something I could never accomplish with kohl, felt tip liner or liquid!). The mascara isn’t as amazing as some of the more expensive brands, in the sense that it doesn’t create WOW lashes. But being a natural blonde, I’m just happy my lashes are visible with mascara to begin with!
I even napped with my makeup on and it wasn’t destroyed or even horribly smudged. I ate, I drank, and the lipstick didn’t need touching up. I also got a lot of compliments from the women at my group about how nice it looks on me.
Foundation is unfortunately off the table for a while. My psoriasis is flaring up in my face (eyelids and cheeks) and on my hands, and both creamy and powder foundation just bring out horrible flaky patches of dried skin that no amount of makeup can fix. I’d rather moisturize and go through the day with a flawed complexion and no eyeshadow on than put myself through that itchy hell. Here’s to hoping it wears off soon. I’ve been wanting to go full on out with my makeup again. It’s so relaxing and so much fun to dramatically change how I look every now and then. 🙂