Winding down

It’s around 10:30pm and I’m in bed winding down and resting my back. Today was a very active day. As usual I biked to group, spent 3 hours there and rode back home. Except I didn’t stop at home, I kept on going to the drugstore in Germany.

As it’s 28C out today,and we’re having a heatwave over the next couple of days, I got some ice cream. I biked back (while eating the ice cream like a pro), stopped by the supermarket for groceries and finally went home.

All in all it was a 1 hour ride.

This route is thankfully rather flat but still worth 500 calories. Woop woop!

Earlier tonight I went out to play Pokemon GO! as well. Wifi hotspots are very frequent in my area so I was able to play with almost no interruptions. Caught about 7 Pokemon in 20 minutes time. My leg hurt too much, otherwise I would have walked around a lot more.

A bit worrisome is the blind spot in my vision today. It’s just a small one, but very noticeable all the same time. I worry this might be a symptom of retinopathy and that it makes my anxiety act up horribly. I will see how it is tomorrow and call the doctor for an appointment if necessary. I’m due for an eye checkup in October as it is.


When we slip

Oh boy. I’ll start out with the good news: my friend sent me his used smartphone so that I can replace my dying one (and also play Pokemon GO!, we’re both first generation players who never stopped playing 🙂 ). He included cards of some of my favorite Pokemon with it! The US won’t allow batteries being sent out through the mail in phones, so he had to send it without. I ordered a new battery which should be here first thing tomorrow.


The bad news: my blood glucose control has been total and utter shit today. Cravings and random hunger pangs, a bag of chips (or crisps for the non-American folks out there), a bag of Dolly Mix and fast food elevated my values all day above 10. Boo Sanne. Booo!! Right now I’m miraculously low at 6.4 which I don’t understand, except maybe it’s thanks to the extra dose of gliclazide after dinner, and having a both carb rich and greasy dinner. I might spike during sleep again. I have a killer headache and foggy brain right now though. Not sure if it’s from riding the highs all day, or because I’m super tired (maybe from riding the damn highs?).

As I’m a type LADA with a 50/50 treatment plan (oral meds + basal insulin – bolus) a lot of the fancy diabetes tracking apps and sheets are either much too detailed for my regime, or don’t allow me to enter my basal units and meds as they’re too simplistic. I have an app on my phone installed that lets me be a bit more flexible about it, although the features I really want (like pretty PDF and XLS reports for a nive, detailed overview) are locked into a premium version that costs €28 a year or so. Money which I unfortunately don’t have. Boo….

I slipped up today, no use in crying over that. I was weak, I fell, tomorrow I get the fuck back up and eat properly as much as my supplies allow until I get next week’s grocery money on Monday. No dolly mix or chips, I’ll go for a nice bike ride if the weather isn’t going to roast me and I’ll focus on chores. I have peaches for those between meals snacks and a cucumber and I will eat them before they go bad. I have 6g carb crackers that pair well with a slice of Gouda and some salted cucumber slices. I have oatmeal and milk for a nice warm bowl of cinnamon oats. Plenty of options to have filling meals!

I will be meticulous about logging my meals at the very least even if I don’t test my values. I want to preserve my supplies for as much as possible until halfway through October.

Of pain and exhaustion

My herniated disc is at it again. I am walking and sitting, but the pain is constantly present. The nerve to my right leg got pinched badly this time around, leaving it in a constant state of ‘bad leg cramps’ that have begun to feel like fire. My toes feel partially numb and my leg gives out every now and then.

This would be manageable, I think I built up a massive pain tolerance over the past 4 years dealing with this crap, if it wasn’t for the accompanying exhaustion that the pain brings. Everything you do suddenly requires so much more effort. The pain keeps your body in overdrive throughout the day and even the night. Some nights I spend 5 minutes figuring out the best way to get out of bed without too much pain (or god forbid, collapsing on my bedroom floor) just to go pee.

No fun. Add to that the dropping of the outdoors temperatures, my period finally having ended, and my glucose values climbing a little because of it. I was doing so well on my first week of insulin, but as I suspected this was partially due to the heat wave and my period partying together like there was no tomorrow. My day curves this week are up by 2 mmol/L on average compared to last week, which kind of sucks. I exceeded 10 mmol/L twice which disappointed me a bit, but I have to admit that overall, my numbers are still in the green. The peaks might be a bit of a concern, but I’m getting in touch with my doctor on Friday, when she’s back in the office, to discuss a couple of details with her. I’m definitely not in any sort of red zone right now though, which is good!

Injections are still relatively painless. (Maybe that’s because of my high pain tolerance?) I’ve noticed that if the needle hurts me when I lightly poke the skin without piercing it, the whole injection will hurt and burn. If I carefully poke around until I find a spot that doesn’t hurt, the whole injection is as good as painless, save for a very, very, very minor burning sensation sometimes. I’m not sure why this is, but maybe my belly’s stretchmarks play a role in this? Either way, if I do have to end up bolusing, I don’t expect it to be a big deal if I can get another pen. I’m surprised at how easy it all really is when the mystery is gone.

I want to pick up my two currently pending knitting projects, but I can’t sit still long enough to get much done. My summer cardigan is dragging on and summer will be over before I finish it. It makes me want to take out the sleeve and start over in a plain stockinette stitch rather than the diagonal openwork I have right now, so that I can turn it into a winter cardi. But I’ve also come so far, and I’m really close to finishing! I still have to rip out the cabled socks I was working on and start over, which I’ve been aching to do on and off. I just can’t get my head right for it.

So instead of doing things I should be doing, I’m watching the first Pokemon season (Indigo League) and playing my Pokemon XYORAS games. I’d be up and about playing Pokemon Go like nobody’s business if I had a phone that supports it, but my Galaxy S3 can’t handle the game. My friend has a spare phone he’s sending out to me soon, so fingers crossed!

While we’re here, I want to share with your the deliciousness of my dinner the past two days. I threw fancy out the window and went back to good old Dutch basics.

My glucose values were perfectly in range after these, which is fantastic. 🙂

Time for adventure

Wew, been a bit of a busy lazy weekend. With boyfriend on duty on Saturday, having no phone yet because he lost his and is awaiting replacement, I’ve spent a lot of time talking with my friend and playing Pokemon with him.

Yes, I’m an adult woman and I still play this game I played in my childhood – I know most of my generation have no problem with this at all!

My friend also says he’s buying me a 3DS with the new Pokemon Y game, but I’m still skeptical about it. It’s an expensive gift, and I usually don’t get expensive gifts.

I also got a haircut today. My best friend is a hairdresser by profession so when I need my hair done, she’s the person I go to. Unfortunately today has also been a bit tense between us, and I’m not 100% sure what happened.

My best guess is she feels like I don’t trust her words or judgement when it comes to certain issues because she makes statements that are entirely unfamiliar to me, or sound outdated or like they don’t apply to the situation at hand. Whenever I debate my viewpoint back to her, she gets visibly annoyed as if what I’m saying is 100% wrong. Always.

For example, I have psoriasis and this means I shower daily so that I won’t start itching like crazy. If I miss a day of showering, my skin flakes like no tomorrow, particularly on my scalp and on my upper arms. When I have bad episodes, also in my face.She’s of the opinion that showering too often like that is just going to make it worse, and I feel like she’s very pushy in trying to convince me that the information I got from my doctor and little sister (who works with people who suffer from psoriasis as well) is inaccurate. I shouldn’t accept that I have to shower daily and instead pursue my condition with a dermatologist to get it treated.

She has a perfume allergy and her son has a certain type of severe eczema where frequent showers are not a good thing. I feel like she’s comparing my (mild) case too much with her own severe cases in herself and her son. I also don’t understand why she cannot accept the fact that I’m not bothered by it as long as I shower daily, and that I’m doing fine, and why I absolutely have to agree with her. I have no real desire to spend my time at a dermatologist’s, because it just doesn’t affect me much.

I know that as a hair dresser, she comes across all sorts of skin conditions and has knowledge on it from her education. But as much as I want to trust her words 100% all of the time, she also frequently says things that are wrong because she mixes things up or because it’s information from 10 years ago that no longer applies. She told me that there is a dry form of psoriasis and a greasy form, which… I have never heard of and can find no information on. I didn’t ask her to specify what psoriasis actually is, because I feel she would have felt more insulted, but there’s really only one definition: red, itchy patches on the skin that have scale-like flaking because a layer of skin persistently renews too fast in that area. There are different locations and behavior for each location on the body, but there is no ‘greasy’ form of it for as I know.

She also continued to say that the information found on the internet is unreliable and insists that a doctor or dermatologist is the only solution to everything health related. I also know that she’s really not well versed using a computer, much less the internet, and that I work(ed) as a virtual assistant who has to collect and filter data and research things constantly. I went to college to learn how to Google effectively to solve any kind of problem. I didn’t tell her I disagreed with her statement, because that would have only provoked her further into a rant. I know how to filter information on health issues and when to seek counseling from a health care professional, and I felt mildly insulted that she assumed I blindly accept everything that’s posted on the web.

I’m also baffled by how she didn’t let go of the issue. When I was talking about how frizzy my hair has gotten due to split ends, her instant reply hinted at the fact I shower too often and don’t give my hair the moisture it needs, and that’s why it’s frizzy. I thought we’d dropped the issue by then.

I love that lady to death, she taught me how to knit, is always there for me and so much more, but I have a hard time dealing with her when she is in this kind of mood. I’m not saying she’s stupid and doesn’t know what she’s talking about, I just know that she gets things mixed up often and that what applies to her life and conditions doesn’t mean it applies to everyone else. If I don’t want to see a dermatologist to get my psoriasis ‘fixed’ (which it can’t be, because there’s no known cure for it and only speculations exist to what exactly causes it) then I don’t want to go see one. But as much as she says she’s just giving me tips, it feels like she won’t be satisfied until I’ve made an appointment with one right on the spot, you know?

Then there was the censorship issue. I feel like she didn’t hear me out at all and just heard what she wanted to hear. We were watching a German dub of the movie Hancock, and I noticed they cut out a huge part of the scene. I wondered why they did that out loud, and we discussed it. I know Germany censors the crap out of everything violent and gory, but I didn’t think that scene they cut out was so bad. It ended up with her telling me how the UK and even the US censors everything.

I tried to tell her I knew that in Germany, blood is usually recolored black or edited out, even on games labeled 16+. I also tried to tell her that for as far as I know, games in the US aren’t censored this way because usually, these games are made in the US and sold the same way we get them in the Netherlands. I think she misunderstood, because she wouldn’t let me finish my sentences and went on a rant about how she met Americans and British kids who couldn’t get their hands on uncensored games. She kept referring to age limits, which confused me because that’s not what I meant – I know games are age restricted. Our games say 16+ and 18+ too, even though kids younger than this can easily get their hands on them. I also know that the age limit may be handled more strictly in other countries. But that is not what I meant.

Again, I got the general sense of “you’re wrong and I’m right because I’m older and I’ve talked to children from different countries when I was a kid”. Which… is again the outdated factor I’m referring to.

This is very frustrating to me. I get cut off by her before I can finish my sentences, but if I try to explain more she just gets upset or offended. So I fall into a state of being quiet and agreeing with her blindly, even though I suspect she’s talking about something else or that things have changed in the past 10 years and she doesn’t realize it.

I know that this is just my side of the story and she may sound terrible to strangers, but please know she’s not. I’m just having a hard time communicating my feelings with her because she seems so easily agitated, and I don’t want to make things worse. I’m just writing here to get it off my chest. I have a feeling she’s just having some emotional stuff going on with the holiday preparations and needs an outlet. She’s been tough on her kid too, so I’m doing my best not take it personally!