Impulse control (or lack thereof)

I’m back to 120kgs. The good news: I’m not gaining weight beyond this point. The bad news: I’m not losing any either.

Thanks to feeling sickly, I’ve been slacking on my daily routine. I’m sleeping in until past noon, I’m not eating breakfast, lunch and dinner at appropriate times, sometimes I am not hungry enough to eat a full meal. Then a couple of hours later I get so ravenous that my desire to put food into my mouth overrides all my common sense and I just keep shoveling until I can’t anymore.

That’s doing a number on my blood sugar levels too, naturally. :/ There’s no real excuse for it, I should step up my game and be better about it. I think it all comes back to routine; food is much easier to control when you control the rest of your day. The moment the rest of your day is in shambles, structure wise, there’s no rhyme or reason to meals anymore either. So my main point of focus, right now, is to get my routine back under control, and then tackle my eating habits.

I’m feeling a bit better but still very sluggish. Hopefully when my court date is over tomorrow, things will smooth out a bit more.

On another note, I’m fighting really hard not to cast on anything new until these socks are done. I want to cast on my sweater next, but the nice old lady who got knitted knockers from me before is still waiting for a new pair, so those have priority this coming week. My mental mantra comes down to “First socks, then boobs, then sweaters”!


Inhale, hold, exhale

Wow, it’s already Friday. For most this means the weekend! For me it means Monday is only two days and three nights away, which means the court date is drawing super near.

Realistically speaking I have nothing to fear. This is just a small legal procedure wherein I tell a judge I agree to have my finances and financial responsibilities transferred to a specialized agency, something I requested myself. It’s the unknown, my first time in such a legal setting, that drives me up the wall. I’m trying not to think about Monday. Let’s focus on Friday first, then the weekend.

I’m still fighting my cold. I lost my voice last week, then I got a little perkier, then sometime this week my throat felt like a pin cushion and I’m coughing a lot again. Yesterday I got my flu shot though. I have a mild reaction every year (expected and normal), ranging from a sore spot where they injected and some general cold-like symptoms such as a headache and a very mild fever. I think I just feel worse because I’ve also got this cold at the same time, while stressed out about things. (I checked, as long as I didn’t have a fever at the time of the shot, you can get the flu shot while having a cold.) Either way I’m happy I don’t have to worry about the flu anymore until next year.

2015-10-23Being sick, I haven’t felt up to making daily bentos. My appetite is all over the place and I just didn’t feel like cooking extras or eating leftovers the next day. As I’m going back to group today, I made a bento though!

It’s nothing that special. Just a salad with bell pepper, cucumber and feta, a ‘rundervink’ (ground seasoned beef rolled into a thick sausage with a thin beef layer around it), some salad dressing, a red bean mochi, tamagoyaki (I couldn’t stash it nicely), a plain sesame seed onigiri and diced apple slices with cinnamon dusting.

I’m kind of bummed that all the mandarin oranges we have around here are too big to fit nicely into the bento though. I can’t wait for the nets with the smaller variety to pop up soon, they make fun looking pumpkins with my leaf bento picks.

I also have some knitting updates!

  • I finished the front of my summer top, but I put the back stitches on some waste yarn and put the whole project on hold. I don’t have the motivation to finish a top I won’t be able to wear until the summer.
  • Still haven’t cleaned up the table. Every time I think about it, my mind just shuts off and focuses on something else; it requires energy I don’t have right now, as much as I hate myself for letting this mess stay. Blocking my real genius sweater isn’t on the menu quite yet. Maybe November will offer me the chance?
  • I got my parents’, my sister’s and my boyfriend’s measurements for socks and sweaters yesterday. Put everything into the charts I made and have knitting measurements ready to go as soon as I have yarn (and time) to knit. I think my boyfriend will get a sweater this winter, but my family will have to wait until next year. I’ll need to get yarn for them first.
  • 2015-10-23 (1)Made the swatch with the yarn for my boyfriend’s sweater. We chose Fiammato Grey. It’s machine washable for easy care. The yarn is pretty interesting — its thickness varies, I think they call this flammé yarn? It knits up lovely on 5mm needles with interesting bumps where the yarn gets thicker. I hope nobody mistakes it for a tension issue! I made the swatch according to the pattern’s instructions: cast on 20 sts and knit 4″ in your desired stitch pattern. It measures up a perfect 11cms from edge to edge.
  • 2015-10-23 (2)The spiral socks are coming along very quickly. The stockinette/inverse stockinette section slows me down on every row because I can’t autopilot it (gotta count everything properly) but as soon as I try them on, I fall in love all over again! It looks weird when not on someone’s feet, but when the fabric stretches it smooths out and looks pretty amazing. I also tried Jeny’s Surprisingly Stretchy Bind-Off in the sweater swatch to see if I’ll like it for socks, and I think I will use it for this pair. I’m only 3.5cms away from starting the heel, I might get to that in group today.


Help I’m melting!

Heat is my worst enemy, and it just so happens that my apartment will not cool down. Even when it does for 6 hours at night, the rest of the day it’s like a greenhouse and my amazonian self is not equipped to handle this.

I spent the day at my parents’ place. When I arrived I hadn’t eaten, I only took my medication and had some water. I made myself a nutella sandwich and had some iced tea and water, and from that moment on I felt so very sick. My whole body was just sweating from feeling ill and nothing I did alleviated the nausea.

I suffered for six hours until my dad asked me what I wanted to eat. I said I was in for a pizza, hoping that a decent meal would help settle my stomach. The minute I looked at the menu card I felt my mouth water up in that special “I’m about to vomit” way, and rushed to the bathroom. I had been waiting for that for six hours, I wasn’t even upset that I emptied my stomach repeatedly. The relief was instant and so wonderful!

I went back to the living room as if nothing happened and instead of feeling sick at the thought of pizza, I was hungry. Hurray! We ordered and I only managed to eat 3 slices (which came down to what I ate all day), but that’s better than nothing.

With a full tummy and only a minor headache left, I joined my dad outside to socialize with the neighbors. Due to my hernia I haven’t spent much time outside so I’m white as a milk bottle and received quite a few comments and questions about it. “Did you stand next to the sun?” “Should I butter you up and grill you for a bit until you’re golden brown?” “Do you glow in the dark?” – I think it’s hilarious, I couldn’t care less about being tan or not.

At 11pm I went home and took the leftove pizza with me. I’m back in the greenhouse and began to sweat instantly. Ugh. I threw open all windows but the cool air refuses to properly circulate throughout my place. I ate another slice and I’m considering dunking my feet in my foot bath with ice water to regulate my temperature.

It really does suck being a 6’1″ Amazon Warrior Princess who can’t stand heat.